If you know someone who is married to a controlling husband, we encourage you to share this information with her. Attention: Mr. Nathan is currently only accepting new clients for trials, trial consulting, and general litigation consulting in all areas of civil litigation, personal injury, family law, and domestic violence matters. Jealousy and Constant Monitoring Does your husband continually question your whereabouts? Forced Isolation: Both Social and Physical Does your husband limit your access to your own friends and family?
Stringent Financial Constraints Does your husband restrict your access to money? Threats and Violence Does your husband ever threaten you verbally or physically? Regain Control of Your Life If you or someone you know is ready to take on a controlling husband to pursue a life without him, call the Law Offices of Nathan H.
Related Links: Concerned for Your Safety? He might start to take over the finances slowly, but it could end up with him having all of your account information and checking how much your spending, and what you're spending your money on.
He might criticize the way you spend your money and make you feel guilty about it. In some controlling relationships, the person in control might even give their partner an amount of money per week or per month to live off. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, and a controlling person may use this technique, to allow them to have a full grasp of their partner's emotions. If your spouse causes you to question the things you have done or the feelings you have, he could be gaslighting you.
For example, he might completely change the way a situation happened and make you feel crazy because you swear it happened differently. He will challenge your sanity and question you so much that he will eventually wear you down to a point where you don't even believe yourself anymore.
You might end up in a state where you have to rely on your partner to tell you how you feel and what happened in situations because you feel like you're crazy. If it gets to this stage, then the controlling person has won - you have to rely on him, and it makes you even easier to manipulate further.
Controlling people have threatening behavior a lot of the time to make you feel like you have to do what they want When you think of threats, you might think of someone threatening to hurt you or even kill you. This can happen in a physically abusive relationship, but in a relationship with a controlling husband, these kinds of threats aren't likely to be used. Instead, a controlling husband might threaten to hurt you in other, more emotional ways.
For example, they might threaten you any one of these things - they will spread a lie to your family and friends, they will take custody of your children and leave, or they will cancel a holiday you were supposed to go on. A controlling partner might even threaten to hurt themselves - this is used a lot of the time, especially if you are going to leave them. A lot of people will stay in controlling relationships because of the fact they think their husbands will harm themselves if they leave.
This is a form of extreme emotional manipulation. In a controlling relationship, your partner might only show you love in return for something. In a normal marriage, you shouldn't really have to put too much effort in for your husband to love you - he should love you simply because he loves you. However, when you are married to a controlling man, he will ensure you know that he will only show you love when you are doing something he wants you to do.
For example, he might show you no love or affection if you haven't spent time with him all day, but as soon as you take care of him, he will shower you with love.
He might also make you work for his love and affection by saying things like, "I would love you so much if you took the kids to school in the morning instead of me. He is always making you work for love and this isn't the way a healthy marriage works. If your spouse is controlling you, he will want to know where you are with every move you make. He also probably won't trust you, so he will spy on you, follow you or constantly ask you where you are and what you are doing.
If they are spying on you you might not even be able to realize - they might be tracking your movements physically, or they might have even put spying software on your phone. They might look at your search history, look through the contents of your phone or log in to your social media on their phone. All of these things aren't typical husband behaviors - he is invading your privacy.
If you do find him in the act of either spying on you or looking on your phone, he might try to cover his back by giving you a sad story about how he was once cheated on and wanted to make sure you weren't being unfaithful. This is wrong. He should trust you. If your husband is trying to control you, he will shut his mind off to anything you say. He won't let himself listen to you or even try and understand your point of view, especially when it comes to conflict between the two of you.
If you try to speak to him about his behavior , he will probably brush it off and try to change the subject pretending that he didn't even hear you, or he might get extremely angry so that you feel like you have done something wrong by trying to bring it up. Even in normal conversation, he will probably talk over you and not let you express your opinion.
This might be relevant when you're around other people too. He might try to belittle you in front of others, and dismiss your opinion. This will make you feel uncomfortable and unsupported, leading to lower self-esteem. The goal for someone controlling is to wear you down so much and lower your self-confidence and self-esteem so much that you feel like you need to rely on them.
They will make sure they are the only person left in your life, so you will have to put up with their manipulation and do as they say, otherwise you will be alone. So, if you have a controlling husband, you will notice that he constantly criticizes you, make you feel like you're not good enough, threatens you, takes you away from your friends and family. If you don't catch on to the situation quickly enough, you will become so worn down by it that you give in and you act in the way that he wants you to.
Now we've taken a look at some of the signs that will be showing within your marriage, and some of the personality traits that your husband might be exhibiting if he is controlling, it's time to take a look at how you can deal with controlling people. When you think that your partner is trying to control you, it's crucial that you reach out to the people around you.
Your husband will be trying to distance you from your friends and family, but you need to make sure you keep them close, even if your husband doesn't know about it. If you feel comfortable speaking to someone you're close to and trust, it's a good idea to open up to them about the situation you are dealing with. They might be able to offer advice or at least a comfortable and safe space for you to express your feelings at this time.
Don't let your spouse ruin the relationships you have spent years building, and especially not your relationship with your family members. Although your partner might not listen to you or take your opinion into account, it's useful to be open with them. You need to tell them, while you still have self-esteem and you're strong, that you won't stand for this kind of behavior. You can tell them how they make you feel, and maybe it will break through to them that they are hurting you.
It might be useful to suggest that the two of you attend marriage counseling. Tell your partner that you want this relationship to work and you want to help him. If your spouse is still listening to you, or their behavior has got better after therapy together, it's useful to set boundaries.
You need to clearly state the kind of things you will and will not tolerate from your partner. Your partner might be able to understand what is suitable, and what things he shouldn't do. Try to come to a mutual agreement of how the marriage should be - it will help. If your partner isn't cooperating with you and doesn't want to listen, you can internally set these boundaries yourself. You can decide what you won't stand for, and as soon as your partner shows this behavior, you know that he's gone one step too far.
If your partner's behavior isn't improving, and he isn't willing to seek help from others, then you need to make a decision. Do you want to be in a relationship with this person anymore? If you're not sure, it might help to set a time limit, to see if things are improving or getting worse. If you are worried that your partner will be, or is becoming increasingly emotionally abusive or physically abusive, it's best for you to leave.
You shouldn't have to deal with an abusive partner. You need to surround yourself with positive people. Explain why you need to see your girlfriends every once in a while. How often do you feel scared of your husband? Does he seem abusive to you? It can be verbal , mental, and psychological as well. In the video below, Renee Slansky discusses why boundaries in a relationship are important and shares tips to set healthy boundaries.
Check it out:. It might not be as easy as it sounds. But you should try to take control of your life and relationship. Stop letting him control you. Take care of your mental and physical health. Whenever he tries to make you feel small, stand up for yourself.
Through couples therapy , both of you can feel heard and sort out the issues with the help of a licensed therapist. Rather it shows how strongly you uphold your vows. There should be an equal balance of power in a healthy relationship. But, with open communication and counseling, you can regain a sense of control and feel happy again.
Otherwise, consider individual therapy to work on improving and maintaining your emotional health. Take Course. Often you may find yourself so deep in a controlling relationship before you realize and feel helpless. It is a manipulation tactic. A controlling partner will make you feel unworthy and unloved through power and control. It is very unhealthy to stay in a relationship where you are controlled and manipulated.
There are signs your partner is controlling. They may criticize you, blame you, isolate you from friends and family, and gaslight and intimidate you. Controlling people are overly jealous, always believing you are guilty. They may snoop through your personal things and interrogate you. They often will not accept you as you are and will try to change you. They may have made you feel unworthy and belittled. It is not the truth, and no one deserves to get treated this way.
Set boundaries and seek support from trusted friends and family. A controlling partner may try to control you with physical or emotional abuse. The National Domestic Hotline is available 24 hours a day at To live with a controlling partner, you must first understand the root of it.
A controlling partner may have experienced some trauma at an earlier stage in life. This has caused them to need and seek control in their relationships.
Other controlling people need to control because they have insecurities and low self-esteem. They belittle you and use power and control as a way to boost their ego. If you have a controlling partner, reach out to friends and family for support. Please communicate with your partner about how they make you feel and set boundaries. A relationship therapist can help.
A marriage is supposed to be a partnership with love, mutual trust, and understanding. In some marriages, a partner can become controlling as a means to manipulate the other. Power and control are not the foundation of a healthy marriage. A controlling partner can make the person being controlled feel belittled, lonely, and ashamed. A partner who criticizes you isolates you from family and friends, makes you feel guilty, invades your privacy, or makes you feel bad about yourself is trying to control you.
The worst kind of control is from physical abuse. If you are experiencing any physical abuse and control, talk to a trusted professional or contact the National Domestic Hotline at They can help. Marriage should be built on love, trust, and mutual understanding. Marriage takes work from both partners. Not all marriages last, and some will end in divorce. There are signs a marriage may be headed for divorce. Sometimes you need to follow your gut.
People change and sometimes grow apart. They may be able to get your marriage back on track or help you realize it is time to let go.
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